12-06-2021 03:04 PM
12-06-2021 03:04 PM
Hi all
i am feeling very burnt out. I have 3 daughters, aged between 19 and 22, with different mental health diagnoses, who need varying amounts of support. I am beginning to sink myself. It's been going on for about 5 years. There is a history of severe mental illness on both sides of the family, but I still really struggle with feelings of failure as a mum, cos they cannot function as young adults.Two of them are home most of the time. They have seen psychologists, psychiatrists and have had hospital stays and therapy, but they are still a long way from being able to cope with life as independent adults.
I avoid seeing friends cos I hate being asked how they are and what they are doing with their lives. And unlike other illnesses, you have to suffer in silence, people don't rally round to support you cos you can't really talk about it, if you do, it has the opposite effect, they don't know what to say so they avoid you.
It's taking its toll on my marriage too, we have different opinions of what's best for them.
I guess I'm just reaching out to reassure myself that we are not alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
15-06-2021 01:35 PM
15-06-2021 01:35 PM
Hi @Iona and welcome to Sane forums. I am sorry its now been 3 days without a response. Unfortunately you have posted in an area not commonly browsed by members, so your post has gone pretty much un-noticed. Although I see that another new member has pressed the support button to your post. Hi @KatieBrown 😊
I am hoping that one of the moderators or managers might transfer this thread into an appropriate area of the forums where other members will see it? @Former-Member @Daisydreamer
Emelia 🌸
15-06-2021 01:45 PM
15-06-2021 01:45 PM
Thanks @Emelia8 for bringing this to our attention.
@Iona, firstly, welcome to the Forums! As Emelia8 suggested, I've moved the thread/discussion to another spot where it's more likely to get a few more replies from others here. I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling, though it sounds like there's a lot on your plate to be dealing with and that struggle is therefore understandable. I'm wondering if there's anyone around to support you? Any services you might access?
15-06-2021 02:15 PM
15-06-2021 02:15 PM
Hi and welcome... so pleased they moved your post as I too had missed it.
I care for a mentally ill partner and I've been pretty much living in permanent burn out since the pandemic started and he moved in with me full time.
I can't talk about what happens at home to my friends or family because their solution is to kick him out and I don't want to do that.
My son, now nearly 30 has finally found his feet I think. He's never really had a proper job. I asked him to leave home at 19 because he'd been out of school 2 years and not even tried to look for work after failing year 12. He is smart as anything but simply wouldn't hand anything in. He's been back to me a couple of times since but we always end up at loggerheads and I have to ask him to leave again.
I know he has depression but refuses help. As a teen I would make appointments for him but short of trying to lift him into the car I couldn't make him go. Yes I ended up avoiding family things just so as they couldn't ask me how he was. I spent a lot of nights during year 11 camped outside his bedroom door incase he self harmed- a threat I later came to believe he made in order to manipulate me.
About 6 months ago he got a girlfriend. He will be 30 soon and has just started studying law. Go figure.
I still sometimes cry about having failed him. His sister is a whole different story - moved the to UK when she was 19 and has lived and worked there for the last 7 years. I don't think she likes me very much but at least I managed to grow an adult with that one.
You are not the only one. I'm tagging @Anastasia because she has a lot of wisdom and experience about caring for MI children.
burnt out doesn't come close to describing how many of us carers feel, most of the time.
15-06-2021 04:29 PM
15-06-2021 04:29 PM
Hello @Iona
Oh @Iona I feel like I wrote your post!!!!
I am so on your page and I am sorry for that for both of us!!!
Totally here for you but today is a particularly :pile_of_poo: day trying to juggle what potentially could be a complete meltdown for both me and my boy.
Keep posting hun, tag me I'll be here for you when I can.
I promise you aren't alone x
13-07-2021 04:20 PM
13-07-2021 04:20 PM
hello @Iona , how are you going today my friend
letting you that you are not alone
Topic Tuesday // Self Care for Carers // Tues 20th July, 7:00-8:30PM AESTis on nextt tuesday
Carers Hints and tips to Successand this one is good , just click on the link
Hello @Emelia8 , @TideisTurning , @SJT63 , @Anastasia
13-07-2021 04:32 PM
20-08-2021 05:04 PM
20-08-2021 05:04 PM
10-10-2021 02:09 PM
10-10-2021 02:09 PM
Hi Iona,
I realise your post was done a few months back. I have only just got back on this page after quite a break and when I was scrolling through, I found it. I'm wondering if you have received the support from this group you were hoping for? I don't have the answers, but I thought I would let you know that I feel your situation. Sometimes it helps to know someone else might understand because they feel similar to how you are feeling. The part in your post about not talking with friends (and why) is something I feel too. I have found that even family who don't see the daily experiences also struggle to understand what it is like to love children who have mental health issues. I feel there is judgement that occurs, which is unfair when they don't have the full story. I also really feel the sadness that comes from reaching out (which is often not easy to do) but feeling like despite your best efforts to describe your situation and the pain, fear and struggle you and your children experience, your story is really not heard or understood, and you are really alone with it. So, I reach out to you to let you know there are people who care and can listen. Don't give up. I hope things have improved for you since the time of your post, but if not, I am happy to chat again. My name on this forum is AlwaysHappy. It's something to aspire to, but not reality. I perhaps should change it to AlwaysGratefulButSometimesQuestioningWhatThe?
Please note this is for technical issues only, like content not loading or problems with posting. General feedback or complaints about SANE and SANE services should be submitted here instead.
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, support, and referrals, contact SANE Support Services
SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE - ABN 92 006 533 606
PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053