02-03-2020 07:33 PM
02-03-2020 07:33 PM
Hi everyone on the forums. *Admins/mods, feel free to move this to an appropriate thread if this one isn't the right place.*
I'm really down right now, in a dark place. I want to hurt myself, I'm feeling suicidal. I've never attempted or done anything in my life but I want to.
As I mentioned in one of my posts, I don't see my Psychiatrist again until March 30. Then the new GP on March 13, but I want to see my Psychiatrist more because I feel more comfortable with him.
I also mentioned in another post that the local mental health triage (yes thats what they called themselves) refuse to help me and support me, they just admit people so they won't help or tell me people/places that can. I give up.
I can't get a job, I can't afford to study and the free courses at TAFE & Uni you had to a course already & have qualifications which I don't. I can't meet people. I went to a Headspace Centre & that was bad for me, sometime last year (for a group & Psychologist).
I don't see Psychologists anymore because of bad experiences. I see my Psychiatrist on Skype because he's in Sydney & I'm in Victoria (regional sort of).
I don't know what to do, I just give up. I don't want to be here anymore and I can't stop these thoughts, it's so hard for me not to try and do something and fight the thoughts. I only have my parents but it's so hard.
I'm sorry for coming on here and venting, I know everyone has their own things to deal with. I don't want to call 000 at the moment, I'd have to discuss with my parents anyway but they know everything I go through.
I don't know if these meds are working at all or if i should up the dosage like my Psychiatrist said shortly.
I just want to hurt myself and don't want to be here. I'm so stressed and just ready for a break down. On my walk today with my dog I had a panic attack because of everything and just seeing a few people and cars drive by which gets a bit much for me as silly as that sounds, I know. And I just feel like I'm ready for a breakdown.
Yes I've spoken to Kids Helpline, eHeadspace, Beyond Blue, SANE web chat etc. I might try them now too if I can get through, I don't know.
@CheerBear @outlander @Darcy @NNY @greenpea @eth @Valentine @Hamsolo01 @TheVorticon @Shaz51 @Snowie @Faith-and-Hope @Sans911 @WriterMelb @TAB @BlueBay @Adge @Scoo @Scribbles @Meowmy @Maggie @Ant7 @Appleblossom (just tagging everyone I've talked to or who has supported my posts again, sorry. Hope none of you mind again).
02-03-2020 07:42 PM
02-03-2020 07:42 PM
Hi @Former-Member
I am prob a music fanatic too ... but could not afford to call myself that ... with so much MH loading from childhood....
Dont hurt yourself ... Try and find a way ... My son and I tried Headspace ... but I think it only helps a small percentage ...
Here is a pic I find helpful.
02-03-2020 07:44 PM
02-03-2020 07:44 PM
Hi @Former-Member
I'm sorry that things seem so difficult right now. You've been working hard at staying well and keeping those suicidal thoughts at a distance. I'm going to send you an email in a moment if you can check your inbox.
02-03-2020 07:49 PM
02-03-2020 07:49 PM
Thank you @Appleblossom . The picture won't show up for some reason, not sure why but thanks anyway. I'll try to see if it works on my iPad.
I'm sorry you've dealt with a lot too. I feel bad coming here venting when everyone else on the forums are struggling too, I'm sorry.
@Eucalypt thanks I'll check the emails too.
02-03-2020 07:55 PM
02-03-2020 07:55 PM
The pictures usually take a while to get approval from the mods. @Former-Member
You do not need to say sorry to me. I am fine at the moment.
I wish the systems worked better for all the money they pour in ...
Do you do any music yourself ... or dance etc ...
02-03-2020 08:01 PM
02-03-2020 08:01 PM
Fair enough @Appleblossom , I'll check to see if the pic is up later, all good. Thanks for it and your response anyway.
I don't do music or dance no, I used to when I was younger at school, primary school, and choir. I have a horrible voice though. I don't do any music myself, I wish I learnt to do that earlier in life. We learnt it at school but I sucked at it
You?
02-03-2020 08:08 PM
02-03-2020 08:08 PM
Yeah @Former-Member I do music. Keeps me sane, but also damaged my neck ... long story.
Pity you got turned off it school as by your name I am guessing you listen a lot.
02-03-2020 08:12 PM
02-03-2020 08:12 PM
Sorry to hear that it damaged your neck, sounds painful @Appleblossom .
Yeah music is my life. I used to be mb20lover but deleted that account and made another one (don't know why I did to be honest), so that was all I could think of randomly.
PS - @Eucalypt I replied to your email
02-03-2020 08:17 PM
02-03-2020 08:17 PM
Music can be life giving. @Former-Member I dont believe you should judge yourself on what happened at school. The timing might not have been right for you. There are many styles and ways to get into it in real life.
Troo confessions ... I am a music teacher ... can U guess?
02-03-2020 08:21 PM
02-03-2020 08:21 PM
I guess you're right @Appleblossom , thank you.
That's awesome that you're a music teacher. Some of my Mum's friends near where we used to live are music teachers (one plays guitar, one drums) but never got around to getting lessons as much as I would've liked to
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