Not to state the obvious or anything.
I think it's about time I seek out professional help for my Depression.
It's kind of taking over my life. Whenever I hear the word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" I get sad. I think "there's a whole story behind that. My story isn't quite as romantic." That's understandable, but it's also not normal.
I get angry. I think anger is a symptom of Depression that people don't really want to acknowledge. There have been times where I've posted on here, and I haven't even really made sense. I'm just furious at my situation, at the world. I mean I was abused as a child. That's pretty unfair. It's unjust. It makes you angry. But it's not exactly helpful, and it's not something anyone but a professional is really prepared to deal with.
Both of the times I tried counselling, it was nice, but compromised. ESPECIALLY the last time, that was really compromised by the lack of privacy I had due to the lockdown. I literally saw my counsellor in person once, during the intake interview.
I've been enjoying work. Today was three months since I joined. I got my first celebrity customer today LOL, a famous name in the academic/political sphere. But I also recognise that if I don't get help, the distraction of work is not super sustainable.
I'm reluctant... like best case scenario, I'll have a normal life. Yay? I'll never get time back, and I'll be FAR from the first person to fall in love, but I'm sure my counsellor will have heard those ideas before, and she can help me work through them.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm doing this alone. I know you guys are cheering me on, though.