For a very long time, my older sister has had schizophrenia and only this year has she started to go back to her old habits of talking to herself, believing her halluciations and made up people in her reality, thinking she is 'pregnant' and about to get married or that some day that I will understand.
Her behaviour has sent her on leave from work as they were getting worried she wasn't able to perform up to the company's standards. Due to some challenging cultural beliefs, it has lead her to believe that our family is not 'nice enough' when we have grown up in a really strict immigrant family.
It's honestly taking a toll on my mental health as:
1. She will be spending most of the day sitting by herself in the house talking to herself or sleeping in random places around the around. Whenever you try to talk to her she will start talking about childhood trauma (that my siblings and I have went through), her lack of motivation to live (extremely concerning) or she's in some physical pain. Whenever she does cry, she always we don't understand even if she tells us.
2. My parents have passed down generational trauma which only escalates my sister's mental illness even more because they don't understand the right way to approach her. They are results oriented instead of invested on the process of her getting better which can make health care plan discussions intense. They are also workingg 7 days a week and are extrememly exhausted from dealing with my older sister so they work to get their minds off all of the problems.
3. I work in a high pressure environment in the community which only escalates my mental health even further than it should. I'm so over feeling worthless, low self-esteem, stressed out to the point where micro decisions push me over the edge. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I honestly feel like no-one but my younger sister understands what I am going through no matter who I go to for support.
I can't even describe how much impact this is having on me in such a small post. I really needed an outlet to share these thoughts with a community of people who might understand where I am coming from.