Life can be a Pain

[Decadian]

Hi @BlueBay@Zoe7@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@oceangirl@TAB@Shaz51@PeppiPatty

I know there are more people I could tag but maybe I will think them up as I go along - actually I already have

I think I need my own thread - mostly my problem is chronic pain syndrome - I damaged my spine with the sporting excesses of my youth - a long time ago now - and I managed to rearrange it when I fell of my pushbike in a wind storm nearly 22 years ago and that seems a long time ago now but there is nothing they can do except treat the pain - and I do have Section 8 medication and I see a pain specialist

And the pain has been worse lately and wears me down and I get fed up and very tired -

I have issues with my mother as well - and although she died 2 years ago I still have bad times now and again - she was abusive and as well as I know myself and her this can get to me at times - and this is another reason I opened my own thread

Then there is TS - my Toxic Sister - she was under my skin for a while but not at the moment

So yesterday I felt so bad when I went to see the doctor about my back pain - and my pain specialist has cut my medication back several times over the last few years and she has gone too far - and I started to tell my doctor - yes - I cope with the pain better since my mother died - but it's driving me crackers atm and so are the memories of my mother

So that's it for now - I have had trouble opening this thread for some reason but now I have - I will run my own story - I would like to think I don't need to but yes - I do

You are all such wonderful supportive people - you are my soft place to land - that is so true

And anyone I have missed I will tag as I go along

Lots of hugs everyone

Dec

[BlueBay]

Thanks for sharing @Decadian 

You will always be my friend on here and I will support you as much as I can.

It must be terrible to be in so much pain all the time.  It would limit you. 

Take care, i hope the rest of the day gets better for you xxxooo

I am with you, giving you a hug. Because i know what you're saying about your mum. Been there and still going through it. 😞

[Zoe7]

Firstly @Decadian - well done for starting your (own) new thread. That is a really big step and shows great strength  Having a place for your own story and having the support you deserve in sharing this is not only a massive step but also can be a very healing one. You have shown such tremendous support to so many on here and now it is your turn to have a place where that can be returned to you. 

I may not be able to relate to what you are going through but I can offer an ear (or in this case my eyes to read) and maybe a soft place for you to land (I've got plenty of pillows).

With you my friend

Zoe 

[Decadian]

Thanks for your feedback and support @Zoe7 and @BlueBay

Yes - I do need support at times - I remember writing my story when I first joined but I never kept to a thread - just kept posting somewhere else - it's much better to have my story in the same place

Blue knows my son died 30 years ago Zoe - but maybe you don't - he would be 47 now - and I must be okay about him atm - I was having trouble starting a new topic - it had autosaved but I kept losing it - so I wanted to post this up

I have two elderly uncles and two aunts - and my beautiful daughter and grand-daughter as well - and my cousins - although I don't see them I keep in touch but when your family gets so grouchy it becomes too painful to stay something happens and we lose our place in the family story - in my case it's TS - and it hurts at times - eg - when one of my aunts died my dd told me - had she not been caring about me I would have read about my aunt on Facebook and this would be cruel

So it;s up to me to keep in touch with other people - I guess people think a bossy busy body would tell everyone everything - but no -

These last comments are just background info - people here - including both of you - have hard and huge stories - that's the way our lives are - through no fault of our own we are in such a place life can be very hard sometimes

Thanks girls

Dec

[Zoe7]

@Decadian Yes you do need support at times and now you have somewhere to ask for it 

I really don't know much of your story. I know how much you spoil your gd - which reminds me so much of my own Nan and how close we were - so I suppose I relate in some small way because of this. Now I also know about your son who would now be only a year older than me. I hope this doesn't offend you but it feels a bit like a part of my own Nan is now living within the forum also.

I have nowhere near the same issues with my family but I have always been the one to try and 'solve' all their issues and now I just don't have it in me anymore. I protected my Mum and sister from my Dad when I was young and copped the full brunt of his anger. I have resolved that with my Dad because I finally stood up for myself and threatened legal action. We have been a lot closer since but still quite distant with all my family. My sister and I used to be close but I just can't deal with her life and find any peace in my own so I keep my distance.

When your family is such hard work to be around it places starin on all aspects of your life. This is when I really miss my Nan because she was my best friend and the only person I have ever had unconditional and supportive (non-judgemental) love from. She died 20 years ago. It is nearly the 20 year anniversary of my Pop's death also - but that is another story.

Sorry Dec - I've taken over your story a bit - but that might give you a little background from where I'm coming from also - can relate in small ways re family.

[Decadian]

Hi @Zoe7

Yes - I want to hear other people's stories too - so that is fine that you posted on my thread - as we write our stories weave their way together - something @Faith-and-Hope wrote - the words run into sentences and the sentences into paragraphs and then to the stories and the strands bind together and we hold each other up

I have to see my pain specialist in a few weeks - and she thinks I am so much better than I am - this bothers me because I do cope better since my mother died and I walk better since I got the right shoes from Athletes Foot and this is good but I feel angry and frustrated with her - but it's complicated to try and find a different specialist and at least this one is not expected me to try again what has already been tried and failed

Yes - and as I am writing I remember that the Melbourne Juvenile Justice Centre where my son died is going to be closed because the inmates there are wrecking it. Where will the kids there go? How can they control youths who are vandalistic - and have SH and can be violent

I didn't want to think about this but it really bothers me - I did a lot in the past to have the old buildings torn down - and now 30 years later this has all fallen apart - because who can control young men like that?

It was triggered yesterday but forgot about it

Yes - please tell your story - I am really interested - I know you don't think you are special but I think you are - and you are about the same age as my son would have been and therefore the same age as my daughter - you are special to me

My computer needs to reboot now but I will be back soon

Dec

[Zoe7]

@Decadian I don't know what it is about you but you always seem to bring tears to my eyes - and in a good way. 

I am so sorry about your son. It is not necessarily the kids in the system that are failing - it is those that are supposed to be looking after them that are. If the programs and the system is not working then find a way to make it work. These kids NEED HELP and they need that help way before they get to the stage that they end up in the Juvenile Justice System. Our society fails these kids. There is so much money put into the aftermath and not enough put into prevention and finding a place for them to belong that is safe for them and the wider community. In saying that I know there are some that will always slip through any system that is put in place and are too violent to be in alternative programs but I believe we are very backward in dealing with the escalating violence and other issues in society. 

It is a bit like the education system. Money is put into 'fixing problems' in the short term then taken away and the 'problems' return. The 'powers that be' don't understand the impact kids behaviour and 'outside of school life' have upon theirs, and others, learning. If the resources were put into the right place - helping these disengaged and (for want of a better word) 'troubled' kids then everyone would be able to learn more effectively.

I've gone off topic again. Sorry!

I suppose I just get really frustrated when things like what happened to your son could be avoided if those that work within the system and work with these kids daily are not consulted or listened to.

And Dec, it does not matter how long ago or if you mostly are dealing with it, he was (and is) your son and you miss him and you always will. And things like what is happening at the moment with the violence etc. will have an effect - sometimes it will seem insignificant and other times it is forefront in your mind.

Be honest with your specialist if you are not coping with the pain- even if it is for a short time. Don't just 'live with it' if you can get some more relief. 

I'm really interested to know more about the old buildings you had a lot to do with tearing down!

[Former-Member]

This is a great idea @decadion, just spent an hour writing a lovely long reply but it timed out and i lost it posting sorry. At least you know I try. Glad there's a place to check in with you. Xox

[utopia]

@Decadian. I'm glad to see your own thread here.
My mum has chronic regional pain syndrome and fibro myalgia as well as a few other issues. It's been over 25 years of watching her and trying to advocate on her behalf - especially when gp's and blood nurses etc don't listen to her. She knows her own body and how it works or doesn't work. She is the expert here - not her doctors or specialists. She is allergic to the strongest meds available - unfortunately. So it's been a nightmare to try and find the right combination of meds to help her.
So even though I don't live with chronic pain like you - I really do understand a lot of it.
So when you get frustrated - vent here. When the pain is too much - vent here. When the doctors are idiots - vent here. And I'll be here to listen and supoort you. As will others on this forum.
Physical pain is bloody awful.
Sending you love and hugs

[Decadian]

Hi @Zoe7@utopia@Former-Member@BlueBay

No - you didn't go off topic Zoe - this has been the story of my life and my son's life and how badly the system interferred and let us down - I think things have improved since back in the 1980s but it is still not good enough - and @Appleblossom knows a lot about this

My son was adopted and already suffering when we brought him home when he was two weeks old - my therapist came closest to what his "label"  was with a post-mortem dx of BPD along with ADHD, ADD, super-acute hearing and sense of smell - he could only see in 2D and his right hand was dominent and his left leg and eye were dominent. The world  must have been a chaotic place for him - and he did not comply with therapy - he resisted it and this makes for an extremely combative person and this is the surface

But I loved him and valued him and still do and always will - even after I die this will be the case

I warned him he would end up in prison - well it was Juvenile Detention but the buildings were terrible so you asked and I will tell you

The rooms were unheated - 10 feet by ten feet - two boys to a room - no access to light, toilet or the staff - they had to leave their clothes outside the room on the floor. There was little for them to do - they played volley ball sometimes, could watch a movie now and again, or work in the maintenance area but I don't know what happened there. It was incredibly depressing - and those building were built in the C19th - very Dickensian

I went and saw him every week except when I had a hysterectomy - often twice - sometimes 3 times - and the staff knew me and gave me lunch when I was there. I took him enough cigarettes for himself with some to share as well -

Some boys were in this high security facility for no other reason than they were Wards of the State - some were criminals - all tossed in together - wrong wrong wrong

He wanted me to take him home but I could not - I had warned him this would happened if he didn't obey the law and he had and I had to tell him I couldn't help him anymore - not then anyway - and he took his life two days later - but I am sure I did everything possible - more than most people could have or would have - and even today my heart breaks when I think about him

It is so sad - there wasn't really anything left for me to do for him and I doubt that anything could have helped - he was born that way - adopted chidren bring untold and unknown stories into the world with them and we do our best - and then some of these kids are just angry and violent

But that prison where he died was a dark and terrible place - each time I went in I read the art-graffiti on a wall which read

"Who Built Thebes of the Seven Gates?" History Books Say the Kings but did the Kings Carry the Lumps of Stone?"  [Brecht]

I don't know about the captains and the kings but I carried my lump of stone everytime I went there - and the last time I didn't know - I just carried it when I went in and when I came out - sometime I think I still am

Thanks for asking - I don't mind talking about it

Dec

There is no need to shed any tears for him - I have already shed all I have and more and God knows the truth -