Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[JBH100]

Hi there, I'm new here. My husband revealed his extensive trauma and his C-PTSD mid last year and we separated in Jan this year at his request. Reflecting now, I can see many of the issues in our marriage originated from his tendency to re-stage and re-enact his trauma. I am wracked with guilt of allowing this to happen, though at the time I didn't know that's what it was. My own poor attachment/security issues and ASD likely made it easy for his behaviours (that re-enact abandonment) to create the response he needed from me for the re-enactment. I love him deeply and I'm not sure whether he has spoken to his own psychologist about reenacting trauma and the impact it had on our marriage. It's likely we will never be able to talk this through as he has cut me off. I am concerned he is repeating the behaviours now with our daughter (who lives with me), and next will be our son (who lives with him). How do I start to heal from this experience and are there any resources for those who have been the vehicle for the re-staging/re-enacting?

[tyme]

Hi @JBH100 ,

Welcome to the forums. 

I'm can here that things have been tough and you are doing what you can to navigate the changes. 

Do you have professional supports in place who can work through some of the trauma with you?

I hear how much you want to support your family.

We look forward to hearing from you.

tyme

[JBH100]

Hi there, yes I am seeing a psychologist as well. 

[tyme]

This is definitely worth unpacking with a professional @JBH100 .

Whilst on the forums, I hope you get the peer support you deserve. It can really help you feel less alone in what you are going through. I recognise it's not easy at all. 

What are some things you do to stay afloat?

[8ppleTree]

Hi @JBH100 

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out 🙂 

I'm sorry you went through all that, with no clue as to why it was really happening. How awful for you x 

Would your ex be open to working on any of those behaviours with his pysch that you are concerned about, for the sake of the children? 

I hope you can find some relief now in the realisations, as you grieve the relationship. 'Personal freedom' is a concept that I found to be really helpful in exploring while healing from damaged/toxic relationships. It helps us be responsible and let others be responsible for their stuff. Building ourselves up, drawing boundaries and being able to step out of negative patterns because we have strong self worth is another potential benefit of it. 

I wish you peace and relief x 

[Jasper_123]

Hi @JBH100 , 

How did you feel when he asked for the seperation? Do you mean that he had abusive behaviours towards yourself and the kids or something else?