25-07-2020 09:49 AM
25-07-2020 09:49 AM
Hi I am not sure how to explain how I am feeling but basically I am struggling to trust my treatment team that I am actually mentally ill. I know that what I experience isn’t always shared by others and that in this society the answer to why I experience such things is that I would have a mental illness but deep deep down in my core I still don’t believe that is what it is. I believe I experience distress and have trouble coping and that a lot of the things I experience aren’t “normal” but to me that doesn’t mean I am sick just different.....
now maybe this wouldn’t be such an issue except it is impacting my desire and ability to take medications. On the one hand I am agreeing to take them because I don’t want to be sent back to hospital and forced to take them but on the other I keep thinking the meds are dangerous and bad for me to take and that I shouldn’t have to in the first place, like what if my doctors made a mistake and I am not “sick” what if I am right and they just can’t see the things I do? Even though the meds have made me hear things less and stuff I still think a lot of the things are real but I can’t hear them anymore. I am not sure how to describe it but dose anyone else have a similar issue? Deep down in your core do you believe you are mentally ill?
25-07-2020 12:44 PM
25-07-2020 12:44 PM
@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 yes I believe I have schizoaffective disorder. Yes I think I am a strange chick who hears and sees things that others dont. By taking the meds it means I can get on with my life to a greater extent then I could before meds. I have a life again and it means I am being a responsible family member ..... a parent to my kids and a daughter to my mother, a sibling to my sister ..... all of the above. Without my meds I am a freak of nature who is totally out of control and that is the sad truth even though I hate taking my meds. Take care. peaxxxx
25-07-2020 01:17 PM - edited 25-07-2020 01:18 PM
25-07-2020 01:17 PM - edited 25-07-2020 01:18 PM
Hi @Eden1919 I don’t see myself as sick. I did do the med roller coaster for many years, sometimes just to avoid more restrictive measures but they never made me feel right. I hear voices, that’s never gone away, meds or no meds. What has helped me more of figuring out how to live with them. Part of that is about what it’s trying to tell me and the other about how to interact with them. It’s still a work in progress but it helps me more than meds.
For a long time I learnt to stop telling people about my difficulties because they would react with the crazy stick but I’ve actually now found a therapist who doesn’t. She’s surprisingly relaxed about it all and that helps me stay relaxed.
25-07-2020 07:47 PM
25-07-2020 07:47 PM
for me, medication means I can cope better with my symptoms. i ask myself what kind of life do I want to live ? I would much rather cope as I am now than have to live with the disorganisation and distress that happens when I didnt have medication. Can you ask yourself that same question ?
05-08-2020 08:47 PM
05-08-2020 08:47 PM
@greenpea @destructive @Elsa Thanks for the reply and sorry I am late to reply I have been swamped by uni work. I am still really struggling with this issue and it is making taking medication very difficult.
06-08-2020 02:33 AM
06-08-2020 02:33 AM
@Eden1919 Sweetheart you are about the same age as my children and I am very concerned about you. Thank you for keeping me in the loop and be strong my friend. Love peaxxx
06-08-2020 03:45 PM
06-08-2020 03:45 PM
@greenpea Don’t worry I am mostly ok I am still taking the meds it is just very difficult it takes me 20 minutes every night to work up the courage to take them. I have just been very busy with uni.
06-08-2020 04:03 PM
06-08-2020 04:03 PM
@Eden1919 Good :). I dont like meds either but it is something we just have to do to keep the cray-cray away. Hope you studies are going well for you. :Dxx
06-08-2020 07:54 PM
06-08-2020 07:54 PM
@greenpea the studies are going but well is a strong word lol. I just don’t want to be on them long term hopefully I can convince my psychiatrist after a few months.
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