Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Last week was hell both finacially and emotionally ,the weekend was an improovement thanks to caring family but I also got so rebellious at times I disregarded thinking of my personal safety by sneaking out there home late at night to hop in my car to go to the online dates house in the dark ,I almost did act on impulsively going there but the few family members who I did tell about my plans to go see him,convinced me not to go through with seeing him at his house at night as our first date ect,cause they where thinking more of my personal safety at the time than I was so yeah Ive kind of lost the plot in some ways,as for today well Ive got first couciller appointment this afternoon as for the weekend I also had a nightmare where I woke up out of breathe cause the nightmare was about another family member getting hurt but not me getting hurt,also I havnt bothered trying to sort out my centrelink payment thats overdue by a week,cause I dont see the point in bothering to fix it ,going as far as asking myself why bother getting paid? so yeah I keep self sabotaging,taking risks and basically self destructive behaviour in multiple ways at the moment lets not even mention the fact I like speeding my car when driving

[Former-Member]

Hey @LostAngel, I'm sorry to hear the last week has been rough - though I'm glad to hear you've had the caring support of your family in that time. 

You have some great self-awareness in being able to recognise that you've been doing, or thinking about doing, self-destructive things. I'm thinking it would be helpful to talk about with your counsellor about this this afternoon - what do you think?

[LostAngel]

thanks @Former-Member  I spoke to my counciller about quite alot today I wont go exactly into what we talked about but its a good start as I think she can already tell Im in need of someone outside family to work through the online dating process and my assiciated behaviours ,Ive found a way to unwind by watching movies tonight and just snacking on sweet foods a bit,I still have just a few family members whom Im also talking to daily as needed  it kind of still hasnt sunk in yet the amount of unsafe things that could have happend if I hadnt have listened to those particular family members in the momment but thankfully they where acutely aware more so than me so they where the ones who kept me safe in the end,I do feel as if Im worrying them way too much lately but there still there. thank you aswell for your advice @Former-Member  the things I didnt get done today I will just have to do those things tomorow and unwind for tonight

[LostAngel]

thankfully centrelink issues have been all fixed,now its more focussing on my self care both psyically and emotionally,been wearing the same clothes for about 3 days need to shower and put effort back into self care and everyday responsibilities ,I probly have been going through some depresion and anxiety with all thats happend but now things are hopefully looking up again thank goodness,but definetly need a shower might give a different family member a call later today after I get some other things done that Ive left till today. another day to rest then tomorow I can finally feel good about being able to buy food and clothing and a nice meal for lunch