Hello,
It is my first time joining and posting on a support group, but I'm really out of options at this point, hoping that someone out there understands and be of some guidance to me.
I'm currently in an 8 month relationship with my boyfriend. Since we first met, I knew that he had some dark sides and traumas and so do I. I hesitated about giving the relationship a try because I was afraid I'd revert back to my previous state. We of course still gave the relationship a try. It's a beautiful relationship, even though we fought many many times in such a short amount of time, but I felt like he pointed out many things in me that I've never thought about before regarding my past and traumas. I feel like he is the only person who truly tried to understand and get to know me, tried to bring out relationship closer and I also slowly opened up to him, which I felt like have never happened with any of my previous relationships.
Recently, the same issue keeps getting brought up. He feels like I prioritize everything and everyone else above him. I own a shop and many of my friends stop by for a chat on a daily basis. My boyfriend is also there very often but he feels like everytime I have male friends here, I suddenly act very distant and cold towards him as if I didn't want to be with him. He accused me of being flirty and wanting to show my cleavage without considering his perspective. I can understand the latter but the first part was unreasonable and plain mean to me. When I apologize he says I don't mean it. When I say I will change, he thinks I'm only doing it for his sake and it doesn't come from my inner mind because I don't love him. He thinks this is a basic instinct, if you love someone you will consider their feelings before your own.
I cannot help but feel he is taking things out of proportion. He was abused physically by his mother for a very long time when he was a child, later on he also had terrible relationships that didn't work out. His ex also abused him physically and cheated on him several times. He constantly tells me that he feels hopeless and cannot go on with life, that I will have a good life with or without him. We both have nightmares very frequently (almost daily) and he wakes up crying, cursing and screaming very often. I tried to tell him that he needs help and that he is insecure from his past traumas, but he thinks I'm putting all the blame on him without doing any thinking of my own behavior.
Our fights are getting worse and worse, suffering from many sleepless nights and swollen eyes. We love each other very much but at this point are both pessimistic about the future. I don't for one second want to give up trying but would really appreciate it if someone could give some hints on what to do.
Thank you for reading this long post, if someone does happen to read it.