Lived Experience Forum

[Spirit_Healer]

@FluxInBlack , I read your story and really feel for how much you've been through! Please don't lose hope - find the strength where you can. You will get through this.

You can also check out MHFA support groups and see if there is anything suitable for you: https://supportgroup.mhfa.org.au/

Keep us posted, we're here for you!

[8ppleTree]

@Spirit_Healer @FluxInBlack @KirSa_EnigmA @Doog @tyme I'm genuinely sorry to hear that so many people have experienced the shock of betrayal and family alienation. That must feel so devastating! Knowing that you are needed, and that life has twists, both good and bad, and back to good again, is important.  

I have heard that the Men's Shed can be a great place to meet for chats, hands on projects and the like. You might also check your local community house, or local notice boards to see whether there are any groups that might interest you..maybe grief focused, or potentially interest-based, like a social/wellbeing group?

[FluxInBlack]

What is wrong with your formatting, Doog?

[Asgard]

Hi @FluxInBlack 

Glad I could cheer ye up even for a wee bit and thanks for explaining th IVO thing for me. Regarding mens mental health groups, it really depends on where you are located in terms of what might be available to you.  The Mens Shed as mentioned is very well known, have looked up a few for ye which might suit , all their details can be found on the net -- Bridging the Gap, Australian Dad's Network, Dads in Distress and this has to be my personal favourite Grab Life by the Balls.   There are a whole lot more sites out there, it's just a case of matching you to whats on offer, checkout the website www.doingittough.org  they have all the details.  Hope this assists and look after yourself.  🙂

[FluxInBlack]

Hi Doog,

I haven't written back to you yet, because I can't remember if I already have and I didn't want to look like a tool. With the mountain of meds I'm on, my memory is shot.

If you could please let me know if I have responded or not then I'll get back to you properly.

Cheers - Flux

[Doog]

Life continues @FluxInBlack.

Moods fluctuate wildly. My adult children and my siblings keep me alive. But I fall in a heep the day we are out of contact. I tear up whenever my children mention their mother. I manage to control my emotions when my children are around, but i am derailed and it takes hours or days to right myself.

I'm not sure I'm not fooling myself that things are getting better.

I joined a men's shed and it's good.

I'm rambling.

[FluxInBlack]

Hey @Doog ,

You're absolutely not rambling. Your posts make my day. Truly.

• Then first my oldest sister died from smoking. I love her so much and I hate her so much for throwing her life away like that, leaving two kids behind
• Then there's my youngest sister who I'm regular contact with, but she doesn't know how to help and neither to I.
• My oldest brother is slowly but surely completely incapacitated by various brain diseases and now he can no longer speak
• Then my youngest brother, who went the exact same way as my oldest sister.
• And finally there's me.

We started with 5 kids (I'm the youngest) in the Netherlands and I am the only one who decided to immigrate to Australia. Just a bit of adventure.

Unfortunately and absolutely not your fault (regarding your post):

• From about 6 months before she tricked me out of the house she started poisoning our two boys, so by the "Fantasy IVO" - as I call it - landed while I was staying at a friend, which she had cleverly organised.

Overnight I lost my wife, my kids, my / our friends (about 30, who she has also poisoned. my home, all my money and worst of all, I now have kids walking around who think I'm a monster, while the opposite is true. She is a master Gas lighter.
So count your blessings, my friend, for having your children and siblings around you.

So in short, I lost everything and I have nobody to love or who loves me. THAT is unbearable. Of course I tried suicide twice, which failed and ended up in hospital, which doesn't change anything, because when they let you go everything is still the the same.

May I ask why and how you got divorced? You probably told me, but my memory is shot. Only if you want to tell me, of course.

Each time I tell someone that I want out I get this horror look and "But your boys!". And I say that my boys hate me. "It may take some time, but they will come back to you". I don't know that and am I now expected to live in hell for maybe 5-10 years in case they might knock on the door? I think my anxiety and depression alone will have killed me by then.

Pff .. sorry for the long letter, but a last point:
Never in my life would I have imagined that I would feel a tremendous feeling of relief and an actual smile on my face when I think about suicide. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I don't know how, I'm scared to do it and I don't want to die alone.

Thanks again for your post. it really helps.

Flux

[FluxInBlack]

Also, how do I sign-up for a men's shed?

[scruffypuffball]

@FluxInBlack 

https://mensshed.org/find-a-shed/?geodir_search=1&stype=gd_place&s