Dear @BlueGuitar101 ,
Thank you for sharing what you are going through. It certainly takes a lot of courage to reach out.
It is good to see you being able to reflect on what has worked for you in the past. It sounds like you have somewhat of an understanding about what you ideally want like to look life, but the question is, How?
By connecting with peers here on the forums, I hope you feel less alone in what you are going through.
Do you have supports in place to help you work through the challenges of gambling (if this is something you want to change)? e.g. Gambler's Anonymous, or https://gamblershelp.com.au/
Please know there IS help out there. Seeing you have felt what it's like to feel "free", I wonder if this is something you can work towards again?
For me, the early 20s was also a tricky time for me. It was as though the transition from teenagehood to adulthood was a whole new world... and really, I struggled. I struggled to find myself, connect with people, and understand my place in the world. It wasn't until I was about 33 when I was really ready to get help. This was when things began to change. I've never regretted it.
I hope and pray that you will also find the support you need.