โ15-10-2019 10:06 PM
โ15-10-2019 10:06 PM
Lol with the hormone Pinterest boards. @CheerBear .
Doctor went okish. More tests to be done. ๐ฌ
โ16-10-2019 09:28 AM - edited โ16-10-2019 09:26 PM
โ16-10-2019 09:28 AM - edited โ16-10-2019 09:26 PM
@Teej ๐
โ30-10-2019 02:24 PM
โ30-10-2019 02:24 PM
@outlander I missed that image you put up. Itโs fabulous.
Diary entry for the last few weeks
ive had my postsurgery crash, been so stressed out with my property settlement, stress from kidults and finally, although gradually, had a complete crash.
I thought Iโd get to the point where I wouldnโt return to old coping strategies but I did on the weekend, although a call to lifeline stopped it from being a possibility of a permanent solution. I reached a stage where Iโve had a complete skills breakdown along with becoming really dysfunctional again. I have struggled so much with speech let alone eating, personal hygiene, exercise etc. I have had days of pretty much being in a vegetative state. I couldnโt find a mask or hide it.
Yesterday I saw my psychiatrist who had scheduled an extra appointment knowing I wasnโt doing great. I entered her her office in the most defeated and lowest spot since Iโve seen her. I wasnโt expecting to come out any different, and for a while I didnโt. Last night I thought lots about what I could remember. I have had a brain like a sieve. During my appointment I really struggled to put words in a sentence. I couldnโt hold coherent thought. After a self imposed time out at home I started to put some of what we discussed together. I then took my prescription sleeping meds and slept for 10 hours.
Today I feel somewhat human but I know I have a long way to go. I have new meds that I started today and the decision about taking hrt again. Iโve begun the first step to my climb up - washing my clothes (I ran out of underwear days ago and didnโt care), watering my garden, staying out of bed, eating healthy food, had good sleep, brushed hair (still no shower but will get there when I have clean clothes to put on). Iโm not sure what helped in my appointment but maybe actually talking to my psych about my total breakdown of functioning and thoughts helped because someone else knew I was at rock bottom.
Its so hard to see what the the next day will look like when you are so low. Itโs so hard to see that youโll get up and try again. When you do get up it seems strange that you couldnโt do anything the day before. I have a long road ahead. Only half my stresses will be relieved by the property being sold.
What ive learned. Riding out the storm is really hard and you never know when the next storm will come. I know when Iโve reached my limit of using strategies but still have a way to go to get through without using unhealthy coping strategies still. I know that Iโve come along way but there will be things that push me past my resilience level and I breakdown completely and suicide ideation takes over every part of my life.
I hope tomorrow is ok too but for today Iโll take functioning a bit better.
Love and hugs to anyone reading who want them.
โ30-10-2019 04:21 PM
โ30-10-2019 04:21 PM
โ30-10-2019 06:23 PM
โ30-10-2019 06:23 PM
Hugs my @Teej
โ30-10-2019 06:38 PM
โ30-10-2019 06:38 PM
Just catching up on this thread. @Teej You have had so much going on. I am like you feel I am on top of things and the tinyest ooops can upset my apple bloomin cart.
Learning from those I like. I will make "Learning to accept my past" a theme for me for a while.
Did you mean to write "twists and turns" or ..."twits" .... either way deliberate or accidental ... it made me laugh.
I will take one of those hugs on offer and give a huge one back.
Hang in there.
โ30-10-2019 07:34 PM
โ30-10-2019 07:34 PM
Reading along @Teej and offering more online support.
Lots of love and hugs
โ30-10-2019 08:03 PM
โ30-10-2019 08:03 PM
โ30-10-2019 08:19 PM
โ30-10-2019 08:19 PM
โ11-12-2019 03:10 PM
โ11-12-2019 03:10 PM
Walking on the road to recovery feels a bit like stumbling, crashing, falling and tripping over clown feet in the last month. There have been lots of things and stresses affecting my mental health.
Iโm still here though and keep trying to find that one step forward even though my brain keeps telling me to give up.
Im indebted to my mh team for helping me get through some really hard times. I also acknowledge that itโs going to take a while before I see tangible progress to me. Others can see it but it feels a long way to go for me.
I have a newborn niece (my first and only biological one) to meet this week who has made an international flight to see us at two months old which is exciting.
Things on the homefront have been tough with lots of heavy conversations with one of mine. Itโs really hard I think when you are not the only overthinker or compassionate person. There have been lots of home truths shared that hurt but are better out than in.
The house is for sale with a possible buyer. May get the contract in the next day or two. I can feel any thing yet. None of it seems real.
I think that Iโve got through the hard times actually using strategies Iโve learned over the years. There is some hope that Iโve learned and use some instead of automatically using unhelpful ones (although have used a few of them too).
Not much else to say. Just touching base a bit. Will be a bit absent on and off again with so much happening at the moment. I feel a bit like things will feel more normal when I can contribute on the forum again.
๐๐ค
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