Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Thsnks so much @Maggie  ❤️

I’m positive I’ll be good tomorrow. But in the back of my head there’s always this anger and not understanding why. 

[Maggie]

I’ve only recently experienced the anger @BlueBay  before that I was numb. I felt deeply for others, just not me. 

I wonder, but don’t really know, if a lot has to do with abandonment, and the constant need to belong. Parents are our care givers, or are supposed to be. If basic needs are neglected, we carry it through life. Not sure why that is. I’m trying to understand so much about me and others.

I just had an image of the umbilical cord, attachment. Not sure why, or if there is any significance.

Positive about tomorrow is good to hear. 💜💕

[greenpea]

@BlueBay  I will tell you something. My dad was a raging alcoholic who had violent tempers and was hell to live with growing up as you can imagine. When he passed it was the biggest relief for my mum and I (my sister remembers him differently .... strange). The thing is I used to blame myself all the time thinking it was my fault that he wouldnt change and be like other fathers that I saw around me. Why did he choose alcohol over being a great dad until I realised it was his journey. I could do nothing to change him. It was his choice and it was my choice to keep him out of my life as much as possible (which I did as I got older).

It is a hard lesson to learn. Love to you my dear friend BlueBayx

[BlueBay]

@greenpea @Shaz51 @Maggie @MDT @Smc @Owlunar  @Razzle  abd others I’ve forgotten 

@greenpeai have this feeling thst soon I’ll have another argument with my mum. Don’t know why I get this feeling. I know I csnt chsnge her. It’s who she is and I should stop comparing. 

I have a feeling my mum is still sngry eith me about telling her about my childhood sexual abuse. 

i have taken today off work. Couldn’t be bothered today. Did my walk this morning eith my d snd we took A go the park early.

I had an appt yo see my dietitian. He has very strongly suggested that I don’t use the scales or measure myself. He said it’s dangerous for me. I’ve agreed as I can’t get hold of those items as my D has his them. I still feel angry because I csnt weugh myself. I explained to him snd he says the numbers are if no importance to him. I said I need something to compare with and to see the progress. He said by me walking now daily (which he is super proud of) I will feel better and the weight will come down. I just need to believe him. 

This addictive behaviour is similar to an alcoholic trying to stop he explained. 

I told him if my extreme anger with my mum and the excessive eating I did after. He wants me to tslk this over with my psychologist next week. 

He wants me to see the positives reg walking daily. But I don’t see it as amazing. It’s ok.  

I told him I don’t like compliments and he said I’m too hard on myself snd to try snd be kinder to myself. 

I told him that my thinking is - if I succeed and then stop back a week it’s failure snd I’m not strong enough. He said no it’s not a failure it’s a lesson I’ll learn. I don’t know.  To me it’s dtill a failure. He mentioned that because the distorted beliefs have been eith me fir a very long time it will take time to undo the negative pattern. He said concentrate on one day at a time. 

I told him I’m addicted yo excessive eating at times esp when stressed angered by others or very emotional. I also told him I’m addicted to my phone. He asked why do I use Sane. I started to get teary and told him I don’t hsve a lot of friends and thst I feel so alone. I have made connections eith so many on Sane. He was worried it was taking up a lot of my time snd so consumed about mentsl health. Both he snd my doctor snd psych said the same thing. 

I’m so thankful that I’ve found a great guy who is here to help me. 

[MDT]

Knowing when to step back from the forums is essential @BlueBay
Sometimes we don't know when or how.
But I must say that we don't just talk about mental health here. So that is important to remember.
I get that it would be bad if we did. But we don't. We have connections here.
Sometimes I think specialists and doctors need a reality check - no disrespect to them. But this has also been the experience of my sister in her own world. Her disabilities inhibit her "normal" life. What is normal anyway?
Personally I believe a variety is best. So whenever I use forumes I make sure I am doing stuff in the real world too. I don't intend on leaving the forum. But just to spend time here AND the real world.
To me they might as well be functions of reality. This here is real too. It's not like we are playing a game or something. We are real people.

You are doing all you can m awesome friend @BlueBay

Keep on keeping on. Sometimes our MH Team can be wrong and other times they are right. It's all part of the dealwhen it comes to MH. I guess hey

[BlueBay]

thanks @MDT  

can I ask you something cause I know you’ve had a few job interviews lately. 

I saw a job that I would like to apply but I am so scared thst I’m stuck. Frozen. Scared of applying. Scared of poss interview. I meet the criteria but am so anxious to the point of not bothering to apply. 

I don’t know what to do. 

I do enjoy my job it’s 5 mins down the road. It’s fkexible. Staff are great. Manager and pharmacist good. Would like more hours though. 

Should i waut snd see what new owners do eith reg to staff hours. I may get more. Not sure. 

im so confused

any help or advice pls

anyone else have any tips or advice 

@greenpea @Maggie @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Owlunar @Gazza75 

[Zoe7]

I say go for it @BlueBay The worst that could happen is you don't get the position but you will still have the job you already have. It may however lead to other opportunites and open up new areas for you to concentrate on. Everyone gets nervous with interviews no matter how experienced or confident you are - it is entirely your decision but you also never know where it will take you if you actually get the position - it might even allow you to ask for more hours where you are currently.

[Gazza75]

@BlueBay, I agree with @Zoe7. You should go for it. It's good experience and will help you get better at it if things don't work out. It's difficult when you haven't done it for a while. I think the main thing in interviews is to take your time answering,. Even if you know what you want to say. Look like you are thinking and considering. Be conscious of talking slow and.clearly. Try and have a handful of questions to ask.

Wishing you well BB 🌺🌺❤️❤️

[BlueBay]

I’m feeling very overwhelmed today 😢

I shoukd be happy celebrating A birthday. Something is not right. 

@Gazza75 @Zoe7 @MDT @greenpea @Maggie @Owlunar @Shaz51 

@Faith-and-Hope @Razzle  and others 

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay 

Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed today.  I notice that you are telling yourself that you "SHOULD" be happy celebrating A's birthday today.  Can you try something for me?  Try being a bit gentler with yourself and allow thoughts, feelings and happenings to just flow a little.  Accept that you are feeling overwhelmed, accept that something isnt right.  But accept too that today is indeed a day of celebration for A, your very precious little granddaughter.  I hope that by not putting so much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way, that you will enjoy this special day. Enjoyment is not really something which can be forced ... it just happens.  And I'm sure it will.

I've missed you this past week and a half, and my apologies for not being around.  Now ... go and enjoy your day, knowing you also have permission to acknowledge the 'not so good' feelings too.

Sherry 💕