Lived Experience Forum

[Inhope]

Reading your post is heart breaking, esp.....

"Shame and self loathing make up my self esteem, mixed with those general feelings of anger, frustration, irritability, distress, sadness and simply overwhelmed."

I feel you have put into words what my parntner is unable to tell me, as I watch him become more isolated each day.

If i ask him if he is ok or needs something, then i am "watching" him "waiting for him to fail", nothing could be further from the truth.

I am sorry you are alone.

[Princessmolly]

How are you today @blackdog

[Inhope]

Hello, i am better today, as it was a little better for my partner, thank you for asking

And how are you?

[DIZ710]

I just want say that by writing what you wrote is a step in the right direction because you are reaching out by telling your experience with mental health.

I too was ubable to get the proper help and care that I so desperately needed. Unlike you I did not know that there were other places to get help besides mental health hospitals. Which I avoided like the plague unless I was involuntarily admitted.
Which by the way did not help me as they consistently miss diagnosed me since I was very good at hiding my true emotions and feelings as I had been doing it since I was 12

It was only when I hit abosolute rock bottom and my husbabd begged my doctor to help ne did I finally get the help I needed

I know from my own experience as a nurse that men have great difficulry in expressing how they are really feeling and are also very good at hiding it from everyone

I do not have any concrete answers for you but I do know this you deserve to be happy and to have your children in your life.

So whatever you do do not give up on yourself. If you can keep going to different doctors I found GPs more receptive and helpful. You will find one that will care and that will commence the correct care plan and if need be medications which will be the beginning of a hapoier life for you.

Write down how you feel and do not hold back. Write it exactly as it is. Do this for a week or maybe even two if you can. Also write down your sleeping habits, any nightmares you may have, your eating habits and whether or not you are able to face seeing people even your loved ones. Write down every time you get anxious and how it makes you feel and for how long it lasts each time if you can.

Take all of this to the doctors because with this informatuon they can not deny that you are suffering and require medical help

You need to be brutally honest with yourself to do this but you have proven here rhat you can do this

You asked "Whats the Point" the point is that you deserve to be hapoy. You deserve to be the dad you want to be. Your children deserve to have you in their lives no matter the ups and downs that may come. You deserve to live.

I fully understand how life shattering it is to have your children taken away from you and to have the law go against you. I too had my baby's because that's what they were when they were taken from me. I was denied visitation rights due to my irrational violent behaviour at the time. I also went to prison.
So my advise is not only as a nurse but is from soneone who has suffered and eventually after years of not getting help It finally came. So will yours you just have to stay strong.

[blackdog]

I'm very humbled by the replies I've received to this post. I'm amazed that it has “resonated” with some of you. I also feel sad that others have suffered like I have.

I’m familiar with Russ Harris, I’ve read happiness trap but not the reality slap. Worth a go thanks @Former-Member.
I’m a bit of a veteran in the MH system and know the ACT, CBT, meditation, mindfulness, counselling, antidepressants and I’m terrible at self compassion, I feel like bashing myself half the time.

@Princessmolly thank you for reaching out. You sound like a sensitive and compassionate person. Thanks for your genuine care and concern.

Thanks to every single one of you that have taken the time to reply. Your kind words, advice and personal stories have not gone unnoticed. At least I know that some people do care.

I live in a medium sized town in country, NSW. Population of close to 30,000 people. I’ve previously lived in 3 other areas with my mental illness and my current area is by far the worst place I’ve lived for mental health professionals. Or perhaps it’s just because I’m getting older so, like I said in the original post, they say to themselves "what’s the point?".

I have reached out to numerous people who work in the mental health system (including psychologists), and the silence has been deafening from some, and the others clearly have no clue of what it’s like to have mental illness and I wonder for what reasons they are in their position.

I personally sit here and a “theme song” to all this plays in my mind. Disturbed - The Sound Of Silence. I know it’s a Simon and Garfunkel song but disturbed’s version “resonates” with me best. I think they should build a mental illness marketing campaign around this song. To educate everyone! Those with mental illness, those who have never experienced it and those “mental health professionals” that work in the system. People are too quick to blame, criticise and judge.
People need to try more empathy, compassion, vulnerability and understanding.
The sounds of silence seems to fit for so many reasons.

[Former-Member]

😑