Hi👋
My first post 📫
I'm a primary carer for a parent diagnosed with vascular dementia since 2020
Whilst my mum is independently living we have just completed an ACAT assessment after 9 month wait.
I have my own diagnosis of Complex PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder.
Every day is a struggle.
I'm exhausted both mentally and physically. Each time I try a step back into 'society' there are 'Red Flags'.
I was going to commence a Cert IV next month and though periodically confident I'd cope with it back in Sept '23 I'm now projecting and terrified I cant/should do do for fear of not being able to cope, failing, triggers and/or simply taking on too much.
I'm deeply conflicted as whether to remain or Carer benefits which I find soul destroying or try to break the cycle by venturing something for myself- without overloading myself with already challenging responsibilities.
I feel utterly lost and don't know what decision to make. Guilt, Shame, Fear- it's all there.
I used to be a high functiong professional and now nothing. There is no joy, no happiness in my life.
I currently see a psychologist and just come away from TMS Treatment which sadly didn't work for me.
Anyway. Thanks for anyone who reads this. I'm not expecting any answers..At best it's been nice to get this off my chest.