03-10-2016 09:40 PM
03-10-2016 09:40 PM
04-10-2016 12:15 AM
04-10-2016 12:15 AM
Welcome to the forum Freesis.
Thanks for your very honest and thoughtful contribution. Sounds like you went through an awful time all those years back. Boundaries are so vital to live a peaceful life.
All the best
Joe
06-10-2016 07:19 AM
06-10-2016 07:19 AM
06-10-2016 12:17 PM
06-10-2016 12:17 PM
I do congratulate you on your decisive step. I found it a hard and painful business rejecting my family's value systems. My mother sister and brother were all narcissists, their demands on me never changed and my needs were totally irrelevant. Great damage was done to me by them until I was aged 29. My greatest shame is that I never had a positive role model. I forfeited abilities to talk, socialise, learning. I am convinced it led to what I now call a 90% waste of my personal life. I am full of profound remorse every day. I now understand clearly how I stuffed up in so many ways, and why it all happened.
However from age 30 I cut off all contact with all of them. Like you it's the best thing I ever did. I lost some really bad people who abused me all the time, including sexual.
09-10-2016 10:59 AM
09-10-2016 10:59 AM
10-10-2016 09:42 AM
10-10-2016 09:42 AM
Thank you Pip. Your comments speak to my condition very well indeed. Yes we have two kids who were brought up under a totally different value system. They both went through the system emerging with their degrees. They have both made a life for themselves in their own right. I'm so proud of the great strengths of their personalities. They are both great carers of and about their parents. None of us ever shouted or attacked or used words like "you should" or "you aught." No one was judgemental or implied it.
All this is the opposite to the destructive value system where I came from! However it bothers me greatly that what I'm saying is not taught by most parents or in any school. There is nothing out there to teach how to build self confidence and self esteem. Nearly80
10-10-2016 05:06 PM
10-10-2016 05:06 PM
11-10-2016 04:11 PM
11-10-2016 04:11 PM
Thank you Pip for your last post. We seem to have a lot of issues in common- would love to meet you! But no we can't. Having one's own family I found to be very rewarding, fulfilling and challenging. I realised That I only met one other family who shared our parenting views. I only ever was the custodians of our two kind. I never owned them. They grew up in the full knowing experience of not owing their parents anything. This attitude determined how we grew to respect our kids all along and how they found they defacto respected us. This is true to this day. It's been a privilege and honour to have had them. To this day I have not yet seen a/parents with this attitude. This makes me feel quite sad and helpless.
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