Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Gently Bently @Owlunar 

Good that you got thru to them.

[Zoe7]

Hi Mumma Bear 💖 I will come back here tomorrow to reply more fully as I am recovering from a migraine but wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know how amazing you are. 💖 @Owlunar 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7 

Being amazing is fantastic - but exhausting - I have been taking it easy for most of the day to recover. I had the feeling I was coming down with something and did a RAT - not covid - I changed my doona cover which felt rather dusty - and that was hard work with one arm for most of the effort - but the allergy disappeared - it was handy having someone else change my bedding for years but I will cope.

And I feel better this evening - just a bit worn out.

Also -  have started destroying the masses of paper work I have had in a file for years - I am glad I kept that as I had hard copy to assert my case with the AIC - also - I was concerned that my daughter might read it after I died - and she doesn't need to know all those details - some of the paper is hard to tear and hard to burn - but a bit at a time.

And I am sorry about that migraine - that is serious pain - and lying down unable to think about anything else isn't fun at all - I have had them - sometimes we know what causes them - sometimes we don't. I really hope you feel better tomorrow.

And hi @AppleblossomAppleblossom - yes - it is Gently does it - and it is all history now - and nothing can be changed - the paperwork served its purpose.

And that was a horrible experience you and your son had about your writing - and even if it's still history and will always be history sometimes the memories sneak back and give us a hard time.

I have a lot to catch up on - still - I think I need another early night - I think I did a great thing in the past - a hard thing - a marvelous thing - I faced down a total disaster and survived. I was chosen to do all the work for my son and after he died and I feel somehow blessed with that - yes - the paperwork must go.

This post is for both of you - thanks so much for your support - and it will be onto the next thing - something is always going on in my life - how on earth did I manage to work full time and study part time? I did though

Thanks girls and I wish you both a peaceful evening

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

[Zoe7]

I am not surprised you felt worn out last night @Owlunar What you have undertaken on behalf of your son is a massive achievement and would be both physically and mentally exhausting. It is also a big deal getting rid of all the hard copies of things so allow yourself to experience all the emotions that go with that and take care of yourself in the process. Sending you much love and my complete admiration for all that you have undertaken and achieved (not just this week either Hon, but over the many, many years you have fought for what is right). Love you my Mumma Bear and it is such a privilege sharing this space with you and you entrusting us with all that is going on 💖

@Appleblossom 💖

[Appleblossom]

I agree with @Zoe7 

I feel privileged to have known you both and been pleasantly surprised how that has gently grown and maintained over the years.

@Owlunar Even your decision to take on your son says a lot about your values of commitment and social justice.  A mother's grief is very profound, often in a deeper way than most grief.  Time has passed and addressing the Deaths in Custody issue is a good way to honour him. 

Caring for your daughter's future grief, and imagining her experience after you pass takes a lot of fortitude and strength and discernment.

[Zoe7]

I also love our connection here @Appleblossom It has been unique, building on conversations over the years on things aside from our mental heath journeys - and that is something I have not only highly valued but enjoyed. Thank you for that and for being You 💖

[Appleblossom]

Gentle tears and Hugs Both

@Owlunar @Zoe7 

[Zoe7]

Happy tears I hope @Appleblossom 😘 Hugs back 💖

[Appleblossom]

Ahhh @Zoe7 I guess that is what you call them.

Love you both

[Owlunar]

@Appleblossom @Zoe7 

It's truly wonderful to know both of you - and that you know each other - and one of you lives on the other side of Port Phillip Bay from me and the other in my favourite other city - such good stuff - such good friends - I am truly blessed and we have been here for years and always so supportive. I am honoured.

Yes - Apple - my commitment to my son was phenomenal - I thought about it briefly last night - I still have paperwork to destroy but the most serious stuff has gone. My parents wanted me to give up on him and I would not, could not - that would have been egregious - he was in so much pain and so much trouble - 

I felt I needed to hold onto that paperwork for proof of the truth - the truth is that I know and maybe I am the only person who really does know and certainly remembers - it's time to let it go and I am ready. It's a bit of culture-shock actually - a new start always is - I reckon - 

The pain in my shoulder is a little easier - I don't have to go down to see my specialist next week - just have a telehealth call - which is so much easier. I can have another session of the Transcutaneous Therapy next month - it's fantastic actually.

Because I am not having any support workers here I have been doing a few chores I would not have thought I could have done a few weeks ago - only one deal a day - not too much - and I have been going up and down to the local shopping area in a bus now and again - twice this week - I used to only travel in a taxi - going in the bus is better - I see more people and we often chat - so - touch wood - things are better.

And your support has been so fantastic - I don't have to write about the hard things - I don't want to - this paper-stuff was different though - thanks so much.

Mumma Bear

Owlunar.