Hi,
Good on you for getting the DBT help for starters. It’s not easy living with ADHD and ASD and often people who have these develop other disorders along the way such as eating disorders.
It is not easy to forgive people for the trauma they caused you, even if you are sure they didn’t mean it. Perhaps another way of viewing this could be in the acceptance line. Acceptance does not mean what happened was ok or fair in any way, but in this situation you accept that these things happened to you and you accept that these people potentially didn’t mean what they were doing. Acceptance does mean you like it, but when the thoughts about your past trauma come into your head periodically then you can respond to them saying I accept this happened. With ASD brains there is a tendency to want to fix things, however with trauma in the past it can’t really be fixed so my suggestion to consider is the acceptance line. I wish you all the best and take care