Hi
@Lostr and welcome to the forum. It's great to see you here reaching out. It sounds like things are pretty tricky for you at the moment.
I think a lot of us can relate to dealing with things by avoiding them or by doing things that might feel OK at the time but that can make it worse in the longer term. A good starting point might be to look at what's behind not wanting not to deal with things. Is it stress, fear, pain, overwhelm, boredom etc.? I've found it useful to identify what's driving my thoughts and behaviours and try and challenge that.
Something that's also helped me is to have people to support me to explore what's going on for me and to help me work out what changes I'd like to make and how I can do that. Do you have any supports around that you find helpful (friends, family, professionals etc)?
Are there any times you can think of where you feel good about the way you have managed a situation like the ones you're describing? One practical strategy I use that I often feel good about afterwards is to try and pause before acting on something. Stepping back (literally) and tuning in to what's going on inside and around me can allow me space to consciously decide how to respond in a situation rather than react to it.
It's great you are able to recognise that things aren't going well and that you're thinking about change. It's not easy to change things we're really used to doing and I hope you're able to be gentle with yourself while you're going through this.