Hey there @OpalGem thanks so much for sharing, this post is definitely very relevant to our forums and I do think this community will help you as your experience is not uncommon. I am so sorry to hear your husband did to you what he did to his first wife. Please do not be too hard on yourself, as when we care about someone we most definitely wish to see the best in them. Of course we take what others say at face value, this is a sign of optimism and faith in humanity.
I hope at least you can see that a lot of these patterns lie with him, rest upon his shoulders, and in no way reflect the resilient and strong person that you are.
I think it's so awesome you're seeing a psychologist as any experience of abuse deserves some really solid support in order to shift your own patterns and embark on a sort of "rebirth". I am wondering if your Psych could link you into any support groups? The peer model can be incredibly beneficial throughout the process of recovery, and as such I would encourage you to keep visiting us here 🙂 Feel free to introduce yourself here to our other carers in the Hot Chocolate Thread And please know you're not alone in the journey.